Glitched Out Gunslinger
by MusicOfMadness
Summary: When an average Joe ends up in the Awakening world as a gun slinging cowboy, he just hopes he'll make it out of there without too many holes in his person. Written just for fun, nothing serious. Obviously OC so if that's not your cup of tea, then move along, partner. K thanx bye
1. B3g1nning4

I would like to say that I entered this world in a dramatically heroic way, waving a sword around and maybe bashing a couple of baddies around. Sorry to say that I didn't. It was rather lame and lackluster considering the fact that I'm here in account of a glitch.

Yeah, a glitch is the reason I'm stuck here in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. Correction, _sandy_ bumfuck nowhere.

"Argh! How much sand does this stupid desert have?" My boot was upturned and a waterfall of the sandy menace poured out. "Why couldn't I have been set in a cozy little town?"

Honestly, I was a bit annoyed. I've been traveling this desert for Naga knows how long and I haven't seemed to make any leeway at all. More pressing matters on top of that, I know nothing about survival in the desert except that it's very hot in the day and very cold at night. And maybe something in there that says to stay put during the day and travel at night, or maybe it was the other way around?

"Either way," I scowled under the brim of my hat as it barely kept the sun from scorching my skin to oblivion. "I'm screwed unless I find civilization. Wait, hold on."

I stopped in my tracks while I graciously ignored the sand creeping in my boots again as I spotted a shimmering in the distance. Sparkling and wavering in the midday heat, I swore I heard sounds, maybe even _voices_?

Hope bloomed in my chest and my feet went shuffling once again as I neared. At a closer glance, it seemed like the sparkling was almost pixelated and with nary a rational thought in my head, I punched my hand through it. The illusion seemed to shatter almost instantly and a village stood in my midst with my person being right outside my holy grail.

"Bless you," my hands clasped together as I sent a brief prayer up at the blindingly bright sky because, hey, you may never know who may be listening. Especially considering my predicament.

Needless to say, I rushed my weary bones into the village where said villagers were quite shocked to see my being. Surprisingly enough, they were quite welcoming for a group of people that rarely saw travelers. I guess the mirages around this place made it so that any form of contact from the "outside world" more than welcomed; weird, but I wasn't going to deny their hospitality when I'm one heatstroke away from death.

"Here you are, a spare room for the weary traveler!" The village elder chuckled heartily. His wooden cane tapped against the crude mud floor as he gestured to the rather bare bones room. "It's not glamorous but it's enough to keep us simple common folk cool in the day and warm at night."

"Thank ya, this'll be loads better than trudging through those cursed sand dunes any day." A relieved sigh escaped me when my butt came into contact with the straw bed. It wasn't no pillowtop, but it was like heaven in these circumstances. Regardless of the bliss, I didn't miss the look the elder gave me.

"I'd say, what is an unexperienced traveler such as yourself doing in these deserts with no guide?"

"Aw, you can tell? I thought I came off rather skillful myself." A simple raise of his eyebrows told me he didn't buy it, so I dropped the cheeky grin while I shrugged off my dirt encrusted coat. "Trust me when I say this, it wasn't my choice to be dropped off here. If I had my choice, I'd be somewhere that didn't put me at risk of drying up like a raisin."

"Sounds like a journey gone awry." He took my words as they were and in response shuffled closer to the door before sending me one last look. "If you need anything, then let Jarika know. Provided you earn your keep, you're welcomed to stay as long as you'd like, Ma- er… Sir?"

Pausing in stowing my boots under the bed, I gave the slowly reddening older man a wry smile.

"Sir is fine. Thank you, Elder Ibram."

"Yes, a good day to you, then." He gave an embarrassed cough before quickly shuffling as fast as his aging bones could away from the room, leaving me to sigh in silence and fatigue.

"Who knew this would be such a drag." I muttered to myself as I rubbed my face, not caring in the slightest at the grit that met my flesh. "I knew this appearance would cause confusion."

To be honest, none of this was to be expected, nor was it asked for. One day I was living a normal, modern life and the next I was here in what I gathered to be the world of Fire Emblem Awakening with nothing more than some fancy digs and a piece of paper to my name.

And let me tell you, that wasn't much to work on when all you know is that you're somewhere in Plegia with no survival knowledge and no idea what period of time you were dropped in. Pillowing my head with my arms, I thought back to the beginning of all of this, where all my troubles began.

 _The world was shimmering, floating around me in soft neons as a solitary screen of light floated in front of me. The words 'character creation' stood there fizzling in and out of view, glitching every few seconds, and any attempts to interact with it yielded no results. Pacing around, being sure not to stray to far from the screen, I tried to see if there were any others options around. Nada, ziltch, absolutely nothing._

 _"My god, this is my hell, isn't it? A glitched out game that you can't play. It's absolutely the worst!" My voice echoed back to me and my smile melted off my face. "Okay, jokes are not as funny when there's no one around. So, what? Do I just stand here twiddling my thumbs for all of eternity? Geezus!"_

 _I jumped in fright as a fizzling radio crackled in my ears and suddenly the floating screen was replaced with another message._

 ** _User time limit expired. Character set to default. Points and appearances will be averaged out to provide the player with optimal results._**

 ** _All further options will be locked due to inactivity: location of revival, inventory, healing potions, status_**

 ** _Continue?_**

 _"Well now, given my options, I suppose that is what I'm going to do. Yes." I sarcastically grouched at the screen. Even if it can't respond, I can at least pretend to be sane in this pit of darkness and bending reality. I mean, how is any sane person going to cope with suddenly being taken from your world and put into a malfunctioning game?_

 _Once the option was confirmed, it became apparent that I would be different in this world. A figure manifested in front of me with a face shaped by androgyny that made it hard to distinguish their gender, only their slender frame clued me to leaning more towards the male prounoun. He, or rather **I**_ , _stood at a decent height with dark brown hair and eyes and as opposed to my freckled and spotted self, my new body seemed to lack any spots._ _It was only a new prompt popping up in my field of vision that made me finally tear my eyes away from the body._

 ** _Gifted:_**

 ** _The player is given the ability to choose one gift to aid them throughout their journey. (God-like abilities and time-space bending barred from choices)_**

 _Lifting a brow at the condition, I shrugged as I flicked through the options. If I was gonna be as average as I can be, then I might as well get something cool out of it. My glazed eyes suddenly sharpened and the wheel quickly stopped spinning as I back up a few options, pressing the option I wanted as it opened a new set of brackets._

 _"Ah man, really?" I grinned as a new set of duds adorned my character, a cowboy hat sat on top of his head with matching boots on his feet, and finally a cloak on his shoulders hovering around his ultra large belt buckle. More importantly, a set of wicked looking pistols glinted in their holsters._

 _"I can be a cowboy in Fire Emblem? Ha!" I couldn't help but let out a giddy laugh. This must have been a joke right? "Let's see. Class: Outlaw. Uses magic wielding pistols that fires out elemental bullets through the use of runes engraved throughout the metal. Has the capability to reach master class after level 10. Disadvantages…. Hm."_

 _I paused at the garbled words, frowning as they seemed to be effected by the same glitch that timed me out earlier in the process. My mind was made up as I quickly accepted the option. Better to not dally or else I might lose this freebee to the dreaded glitch._

 ** _The Outlaw class has been selected. Once a gift has been chosen, it cannot be changed._**

 ** _Do you accept?_**

 ** _Yes/No_**

 _Punching the 'yes' option, the world around me seemed to lighten up and scrolls of glitching graphics moved past me before eventually fading into the brightening background. There was a brief feeling of anxiety that pressed me as a feeling of falling seemed to take ahold of me. Through my panic were the ever-clear words of the game screen with a female voice reading the words to my failing ears._

 ** _Welcome to the world of Fire Emblem Awakening_**

 ** _May the odds favor your prosperity._**

 _And then the world went black._

Sourly, I scowled at the memory. I honestly didn't think this through, who knew what else those glitches screwed up. When I woke up with a mouth full of sand in the Plegian desert, I tried to consult the piece of paper that was on my person but all it listed was my class and my less than stellar stats that I honestly couldn't make head or tails of. I was never good at stat building so it was quickly discarded before I found it back in my pocket two hours later.

"Honestly, I want a redo." My words came out muffled through the pillow, but I didn't have enough energy to roll myself over at this point so I dealt with the suffocation as best as I could. "I was totally shafted. Duped. Tricked, I say. I mean, come one. Not only was my chosen location a random dried out well in the desert, but I was also given not a single helpful thing in my inventory so that I wouldn't die out here. I mean, I was set up for failure!"

Anger burst through my veins and I soon found myself sitting up, huffing and puffing at my seemingly murderous fate. Like seriously, I had one single vulnerary on my person other than my pistols and that was it, and as great as the weapons were, I couldn't exactly eat bullets.

"Ah well," I said as I let the anger go in a huff. No point in complaining about it now. What's done is done and there's admittedly not much I can do but hope I make my way out to Ylisse in one piece.

As the sun fell and darkness enveloped my form, I stared at the ceiling in silence before glancing at the pistols resting innocently in their holsters across the room. A faint glow seemed to come from them that rivaled the light of those little plastic glow-in-the-dark stickers you'd get as a kid. My eyes slid closed as the fatigue and uncertainty finally settled on me, letting my arm rest over them to block out the faint light.

"Welcome to Fire Emblem, indeed."

* * *

 **AN:**

 **So I haven't posted a story in a long time. It's honestly been years and I cringe thinking back on some of the stuff I've said and written.**

 **I was inspired by some great FEA fanfic (namely "Birth and Re-Death" by ThreeDollarBratwurst and "Earthborne" by Mixed Valence) to start writing again and just wanted to do something more creative and fun for once since that part of my life has been lacking since I started my first year in pharmacy school (and it honestly is not great for my mental health). So in that vein, please keep comments fine and cool and chill (like that reference?) since this was written just for fun.**

 **Hopefully I can get some creative juices flowing and de-rust my writing ability since I felt this beginning was kinda awkward. Maybe I can even find time to write more/not give up on this like all of my other projects. Who knows?**

 **Anyway, thought are appreciated. Thanks for reading!**


	2. leFt BEh1ND

"Aw shucks, no need to go out of your way for a gunslinger like me." I grinned at the smattering of people in front of me, gingerly rolling up the map they had just handed me. The Plegian desert sun beat down my covered head and made the mirages shimmer prettily among the heat's haze.

Admittedly, I stayed longer than I should've in the village hidden in mirages. I mean, can't say I was entirely gung-ho about leaving this place to travel in the unfriendly dust of Plegia's sands, but looked like it didn't matter as the village people provided me an out.

"It was no trouble on our part." Elder Ibram, the deceptively defenseless old man, smiled warmly. "A little map and some water are surely to help you more than that any solitary vulnerary would have. The least we can do it to make sure our new friend makes it out of the desert in one piece."

One of the many villagers took this as his que to guide a pair of horses and wagon out into the opening, carefully checking all of straps and accounting for his goods as he gave me a nod of acknowledgement. I nodded back before tucking my map and supplies into the burlap sack they so graciously provided me and slung it over my shoulder. I tipped my hat to the crowd in appreciation, hamming up my role as the rogue cowboy.

… So sue me, it's fun acting like roguish outlaw I'm meant to be, it's my calling card! Although, my acting career seems to not have taken off quite yet since most of the villagers just gave me knowing smiles. Regardless, I allowed a genuine smile stretch my cheeks.

"Well, that's very much appreciated. I can say with certainty that I won't be reduced to a pile of bones out there with your help. I'll probably get to Plegia's borders before the end of the week!"

"Give or take." The villager with the horses – Vern I recalled his name being – smiled. "Ol Whinny here is getting older so she has to take more breaks, but she's reliable if nothing else."

"No complaints here," I shrugged before pitching myself onto the wagon's bench behind the reigns. "Well let's get this show on the road. I can't wreak havoc while pitching hay in Plegia." Enthusiastically, I whipped my hat off and waved it through the air as the horses started to gallop through the hidden streets. "Keep an ear out, by this time next month you'll be hearing my name!"

And with that I clapped my hat back on with giddy excitement. Finally! I'm gonna be rid of this blasted sand.

'Ylisse here I come!'

* * *

Waving at the disappearing wagon, the townspeople started to slowly dwindle back to their daily chores. A few stuck around Elder Ibram as he continued to watch them until they reached a certain point where the mirages swallowed them up and returned the scenery back to their natural view of Plegia's golden sands.

"Quite a character, that kid is." Petra smiled as she mimicked tilting a hat over her head. "What odd customs he has."

"Can't say I doubt he'll be a household name." Jakob piped up with a chuckle. "Not when he's in such a getup waving his arms around like a lunatic."

Ibram hummed to himself, also thinking over their guest's parting words. He's old and wizened enough to recognize an upstart when he sees one. What he'll accomplish, he couldn't say, but he had faith he'll hear news of the kid at some point.

"Oh!" He straightened what he could of his hunched back as the other villagers turned to him in curiosity.

"What is it, Ibram? Want to throw your hat into the ring in guessing what he'll be known for?" Ika grinned at him conspiratorially and pretended to whisper as she shuffled closer. "My winning bet is he'll make a fool of himself by tripping over his own boots and eat it in front of some noble, causing an international strife at the perceived slight. Ow!"

"Gambling is bad for youngsters!"

Ika quickly scampered away with her band of cohorts with the fear that they will also be on the receiving end of his cane. He huffed at their retreating backs. The nerve of kids these days. Why he neve-

"You were saying, Elder?" Petra gently guided him out of his thoughts.

"Ah, apologies. I was just thinking, we never got his name."

"….."

The small group of villagers paused and stared at him blankly. A silence blanketed them before they all let out a collective 'oh.' Ibram only let the rise and fall of his shoulders answer the village's realization, tapping his cane in thought.

"It matter not. I'm sure we will know it's him when word gets out. Until then, EVERYONE GET BACK TO WORK!"

They all scattered within a matter of seconds under his hard stare. Once he was sure they were getting their jobs started, he hobbled over to his bench and went back to his whittling with the familiar village sounds acting as his music in the process.

"Good luck out there, kid."

* * *

Admittedly the excitement had worn down after the fourth hour of harsh sun and sandstorms, and by day 3 I was going stir crazy looking at what I swear was the same sand dune we saw a half day ago. Eventually, my conversations dwindled down to me just complaining about how much the desert sucks before Vern graciously let me bunker down among the cargo where I found a rather appealing sack of potatoes to act as a pillow. Honestly, I think he was just getting sick of my bellyaching, but in my defense sand really sucks.

Eventually, the days became more pleasant and the scorching heat mellowed while the sands turned to luscious grass. Signs that we grossed the border, Vern had shouted from the front. Our travels continued like that, stopping and going, and idle chats that I couldn't remember a lick of.

After annoying Vern with my nonsensical boredom once again, I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew I was heaving a heavy box of tools off my bruised stomach with a scowl on my face. The wagon jostled once more before I aggressively slapped my hat back on my head with a growl.

"Hey, what's going on up there? A warning before you come to a sudden stop, would ya?!"

Before my boot could even land on the dirt below, I froze when I caught sight of some beady red eyes watching my every move and the smell of death wafted oh so nicely through the air. Slowly, I retracted my limb back into the cart.

"Uh, don't suppose we can pretend I'm not here, right?"

"RAAWWGH!"

"Guess not!" I yelped and quickly dove away from the cart while the sounds of an axe splitting the wood met my ears. Glancing around, I caught no signs of Vern and could only guess that he high tailed it out of there, seeing as one of the horses was missing. How rude, he didn't even warn me. See if I invite him over for Thanksgiving.

"Woah!" I dodge another axe swing aimed at my neck.

Okay, right, back to business. More focusing on the undead and less on the apparent betrayal. Another tuck and roll to the side, and a mighty painful bruise at my hip, was all it took for me to remember the hard press of metal against my sides and that I wasn't exactly defenseless.

"Oh, right!"

I fumbled with the silver guns and pointed them at the Risen, but when the trigger clicked I was left panickily disappointed. Not so much as a little flag saying 'bang' on it popped out. In fact nothing did, and not to mention there was one more tear in my cloak as I narrowly dodged another life-ending chop.

"Okay, so that's not how it works. Maybe pull the safety? It has one of those right? Ooooh, why did I pick gunslinger when I know nothing of guns. Curse my desire to be lawless cowboy!" Despite my cursing, I managed to locate and pull what looked to be the right mechanism and pointed it as the Risen again and fired once more… well, tried at least.

At this point, I was getting irritated at the whole thing.

Here I am looking stupid as I roll around in the dirt avoiding the Risen's axe in a messed up game of keep away, and my only stupid perk in this stupid world doesn't even want to work. At this point, I resorted to running around the clearing, hoping the living undead didn't happen to have a throwing axe on it before sending a glare to my wonderfully useful (read: sarcasm) weapon.

"Listen here you little bitch! Work or, I swear, I'll toss you over the nearest cliff! Now do your job, earn your keep, and fucking work!"

And worked it did as there was now an audible buzz in the air and the world around me dimmed while light seemed to gather around the muzzle of the pistols. The runes etching their sides glowed faintly and then ramped up in brightness, hurting my eyes in the meanwhile with their intensity. A brief wish for a pair of sunglasses passed my thoughts quickly before I finally realized that I was still holding the trigger. A smirk tugged at my lips but before I could congratulate myself, I looked up to realize I was standing around like a jackass and my dearest Risen friend was only a few strides away.

"Aw shit!" A brief jolt of panic passed through me and, impulsively, I let the trigger go. The minute I released that trigger though, I knew I messed up as I was barely able to brace myself before I was almost blasted straight onto my ass. Wind tore around me, my hat barely hung on by its string, my hair lashed out at my eyes, and my cloak practically strangled me as it flew out behind me. Energy seemed to come alive around me, pricking my skin and tingling my arms before that tingle quickly became a burn. When the wind finally quieted down and the force of the gun against my aching hands disappeared, and they were quickly dropped as my arms clutched at each other to calm the fire in my veins.

My nerves were on fire! Every single input of stimuli seemed to make the pain intensify as I struggled to keep my arms close to my person. My clothes, the barest of touch as my fingers met my palm, even the wind kicked my pain receptors into overdrive and caused agony to roll waves over my senses as I gritted my teeth to keep the tears at bay.

Eventually my whimpers dulled along with the pain, enough for the act of straightening out my frame bearable enough to not throw up. My numbed fingers managed to slowly reach up and tip the brim of my hat above my field of vision which didn't help as I nearly choked at the scene in front of me.

"Holy… Oh boy, this is… I'll need to work on this." Which was true considering the fact that a bit of the clearing was blown to smithereens with the earth carved out in a rounded ditch from where my pistol's blast had been previously. I was suddenly wary of the destruction that I had caused. Will it be like this every time? It wouldn't be very practical if so, not unless I was surround by a hoard of enemies, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. But hey, at least I took out that Risen… and a section of the forest.

"Great, so I nuked my arms just because I'm a terrible excuse of a marksman." Sighing, I tried to regain feeling my arms again by stretching them this way and that, perhaps throwing in a few arm circles to get the blood flowing. Once my fingers stopped feeling like pin cushion, I gingerly picked up my weapons only to notice the glowing bar that had kept me up last night seemed to be totally empty now, devoid of any light that had been there previously. Curiosity got the better of me and I took aim at a tree only to hear an audible click as my guns produced no hellfire.

"Well, guess I won't be using these for a while. Here's to hoping that this isn't a one use only kind of weapon." The weapons quickly became secured in my holsters, their safeties carefully locked, and the leather holster covers latched tightly. If I was going to carry a miniature laser cannon on my person, I might as well make sure my lower half doesn't disintegrate because of accidental firings.

Standing in the clearing with my hands to hips, I breathed out a sigh before finally taking my 'fair share' out of the wagon's supplies. Because hey, I defended this thing, so I get to get something out of it. Stuffing some currency and any other necessities I could into my rucksack, I pulled my dagger out of my belt and cut the last remaining horse loose while being careful as to not spook the thing any further than it already has been. Miraculously, I managed to dig up a blanket and an unused saddle out of the cart and plopped it on the beast. With a huff, I stood in the clearing with my hands to my hips and surveyed my new transportation for the rest of my journey.

"Well, no telling if Vern will come back for us, so I say we cut our loses and split. Isn't that right…. Uh, other horse that isn't Whinny." I slowed once I realized Vern never told me this horses name. In fact, he seemed to leave behind the younger, more reliable horse in his panic which I wasn't going to complain about. Somehow, I got the sense that the horse was less than impressed with the situation and… was that a stink eye? Eh, maybe, if anything, I'd imagine horses in Awakening are a breed of their own. Anyway, I stood there testing out names and watching as the horse shook its mane at a couple of them, and looked downright mutinous at others. Okay then, Horseface McHorsey was not it then. I suggested some male names but every single one of them was vehemently glared at before the beast seemed to relax when I got to the Jessicas and Abbies, although they were rejected all the same.

'Okay, so a girl horse. What kind of a name would a judgmental lady horse want?' With a hand to my chin, I examined the dark horse, circling her once or twice, before stopping in my tracks. Suddenly a name popped into my head that had me snapping my fingers in a 'eureka' moment. I whirled around, Ignoring the wary face of my new trusty steed, and spread my hands out theatrically.

"Oh! Maybe Nelly? You look like one."

Surprisingly, I seem to get a response to the name and when I procured an apple for the black horse, it seemed pleased enough and didn't look like she wanted to trample me anytime soon. Given my lack of horse experience, I managed to hop on rather painlessly and when I experimentally shook the shoddily assembled reins a bit, she took off at an easy speed. All I gotta say is bless the presence of sentient horses and their ability to understand dumbasses.

"Alrighty, guess maybe smooth sailings from here on out?" I dropped the rein, trusting Nelly to keep us on course enough to start digging into my bulging bag. The map I was given in Mirage Town was a little less pristine than it was a few days prior, but the wrinkles were smoothed out enough where I could finally make out landmarks and town names. I stared at it for a few second, trying to think of what to do before silently leaning over to get a view of my new friend's face.

"So looks like my ability to read maps are still nonexistent. I wouldn't suppose you knew the way to Ylisstol, right?"

A horse has never looked so fed up in this existence, I'm sure of it. Well, I guess I'm the proud owner (partner?) of a horse that thinks my head is full of rocks, yay me. I'm one of a kind. Although, another apple passed forward was enough for my steed to silence the 'tude. She seemed to know where she was going too since she veered to take a purposeful path through the woods. which might I add is pretty awesome. The first horse I get in this world and it's the one with a built in GPS in its head. Welp, nothing to really do but to kick back and let the horse do the work. Hopefully we can coast at this point and everything in Southtown is wrapped up in a neat little bow and the bandits are already taken care of by the time I arrive.

"Heh, that'd be the life, wouldn't it?" I huffed at the sky before settling in for a bumpy ride into town.

* * *

It was just my luck. Honestly, it truly was. I managed to make my way to Southtown with the help of an overly sentient horse, but the whole thing was already up in a blaze and the few people that were in plain view were screaming and scurrying about. My hopes that everything was spic and span before getting here were dashed immediately, and while I was excited to finally meet Chrom and the others, I couldn't help but feel annoyed at the pillaging taking place.

"Giddyup, Nelly." I gave the reign a slight tug and my sassy stead obliged, seeming to understand my intentions before she reared back and clocked a Plegian bandit in the noggin. The villager crumpled in front of the hooligan stared up at what a dashing figure I was with wide eyes and even seemed to have forgotten about the man that was about to cleave him in half due to all my glory. Heh, can't blame the man.

'Ah wait, he's actually staring at Nelly.' I drooped in disappointment at having my horse steal my thunder before slapping my knee and startling the stranger.

"Wooh! How's that for a kicker!" I slid off the saddle, graciously ignoring Nelly's glare and the citizen's shock, before extending my hand and tipping my hat with the other. "Looks like we made it just in time. Now you better skedaddle before those buckaroos decide to give you a close shave."

"Ah… Oh!" He paused as the man seemed to reboot and finally his shock fell away to panic before he pointed at the housing behind him. "My wife! Cindry is trapped in that fire and she's pregnant. Please, kind sir, please help my dear wife!"

"Got it. Got it." I grimaced and tried to shake the man loose as he clung to my pants in a desperate kneel. What a drag, I was hopping this would just be a simple rescue. "Geez, the things I do as a chaotic neutral."

Leaving Nelly with the instructions to just stomp any barbarians into the ground, I quickly dashed into what looked to be a bakery, or at least is had been before the fire got to it. Coughing and hacking up a lung, I fisted a wad of cloak to my face and tried my best to navigate through the searing smoke. Once or twice, some embers snapped at my skin and left some pretty red marks, but I ignored it when the soft whimpers of a woman caught my ears. I rounded the corner of the second floor bedroom and was met with a woman crouched in the corner, rather in effectively hiding from the spreading fires.

"Hey, you alive?!" My shouts were muffled, but they did the job as she peeked out from behind the chair was using as cover. She definitely didn't trust me given how she pressed herself further into the walls, but I gestured for her to come anway, coughing when I accidentally let the cloak slip too far from my face. "L-Let's get out of here! Your husband is waiting for you."

All signs of wariness disappeared as this kicked the woman into gear, even with the heavy bulge of her stomach, she managed to waddle her way toward me, albeit weakly. Poor lady probably been inhaling some pretty bad stuff during her hide here, I couldn't help but pity her. Nevertheless, with the command to hold onto me, I looped her arm around my shoulder and redirected us back to the stairs I came up from, but nothing was ever that simple for me.

At that moment, there was a great rumble and I managed to scramble the both of us backwards right as the supports for the surrounding flooring and stairs crumbled to the ground, leaving us stranded on the second floor. Instinctually, I heaved an irritated sigh only to sputter and choke on the debris still in the air as the woman side-eyed me in worry.

"What now? That's the only way down." She murmured behind her rag.

Instead of answering, I took to searching the area, but only saw flames and soot engulfing the place. Normally, I'd just risk it and jump down, but this chick wouldn't be able to do that and how was a chaotic neutral supposed to tell a husband that he's a widow? No siree, I'll find a way that didn't involve us breaking our ankles.

And a way I did find as I glanced down when my fingers brushed over some rough bit of material. Coiled rather uninterestingly in my hands, a length of rope that had probably been used for the broken chandelier downstairs sat in my palms.

"Oh ho ho." I crowed triumphantly to myself as an idea popped into my head. The lady barely had to time to adjust her footing before I caught her elbow and practically dragged her back to the bedroom even as she protested the move. Just as before, there was a section of the wall that had fallen due to the failing infrastructure and on the opposite side of the narrow street a store's support beam stuck out boldly.

"This is crazy, but it'll have to do."

"What are you doing?" The woman croaked, her words garbled by the soot that undoubtedly clogged her windpipe. She watched with watering eyes as my hands went to work and created a circle with the rope, tying quick knots into it before circling it above their heads. She was momentarily distracted by my theatrics when the floor below gave a groan and shuddered beneath our feet. Her hands gripped onto my shoulder tightly as her face melted into dread.

"The house is about to break!"

"Then let's hope this works! Grab on!"

She didn't seem question it any further before latching onto me as best as her swollen belly allowed and soon enough the two of us were swinging through the air even as her screams and the echoes of falling wood sounded us in a dramatically timed escape. Very much my speed, but even I couldn't deny how close we were to a fiery death as the burnt down home spat rubble at our falling bodies. The minute we landed, well more like I landed and she crushed me in the process, her frazzled and dazed appearance lasted for all but a second before it morphed when her husband started shouting her name. Her face lit up and soon they were clinging onto each other for dear life.

"Cindry, you're okay!" Her husband cradled her face and wiped away the soot as she gently cupped her hands on his.

"And how are you? Don't tell me those dastards hurt you?"

He shook his head. "Only my heart when I thought I lost you."

"Oh, Elijah!"

"Get out of here!" I finally snapped at the couple. There were still a bunch of murderous pillagers around and now they're choosing to be dramatically romantic? My ass hurts, I smell like smoke, I'm covered in soot, and my stellar Indiana Jones swing was totally unappreciated. It couldn't be much worse than this as I scowled at the two and waved a gloved hand to shooed them away.

"Help your wife and find safety, I've got places to be."

"Oh, thank you, sir! We'll do just that, stay safe!" The couple beamed before hightailing it out of sight and out of my hair. Their thanks took some of the irritation out of me, but it still wasn't enough to take the burning out of my lungs. Brushing myself off, I paused for a moment to loop the length of rope and hang it on my belt before I sucked in much needed air.

"Damn," I choked as I coughed into my fist. "All that soot and smoke doesn't leave a person feeling too good…" Hopefully any damage to my lungs can be fixed by whatever healing capabilities this world has. Meanwhile, over yonder I could barely make out specs of blue and yellow and a shiny ball of metal atop a horse which made me perk up.

"Goody, looks like our heroes have arrived. Time to make a dynamic entry. Nelly!"

A sharp whistle cleared the air and soon enough I heard the sounds of galloping hooves before my war machine sidled up next to me with a snort. She brayed impatiently and the minute I swung myself onto her saddle she galloped toward the small crowd.

"Hope you're as violent as you seem, 'cause we're going to war, Nelly."

* * *

Dragging the last bit of captured and lassoed bandits back into town, I dusted off my hands of all that barbarian grime and grinned cockily at the small bunch. Adding a little flair to my dramatics, I threw my arm out to swish my cloak behind me before putting my fists to my hips and striking a heroic pose.

"Well, well, well, looks like you all are a bit tied up." I mimicked firing my guns at them with my fingers. "Count your lucky stars that I didn't decide to do some target practicing today."

"Shut up, man. I wish you would've, at least it would spare us hearing you gab." One of the bandits snapped at me as the others silently nodded their heads. Well, at least that was before I answered his unwarranted comment by dragging their deadweight over a rough patch of road.

"Enough comments out of the likes of you. Now hopefully ya'll learned your lesson, treat thy neighbor how you want to be treated or something." I said dryly. Everyone's a critic.

Once I was sure I wasn't going to get an answer from these chumps, I spun on my booted heel and put a hand up to my brow to scour the horizon for any princely bodies in blue. If I was going to be doing the dirty work in cleaning up a bandit raid, then I'll be paid handsomely for my heroics, dammit!

"Ah, that'll do!" I clapped my hands in satisfaction when I spotted what looked to be the leader of this dinky town and pointed Nelly in his direction as I walked beside her. I hailed him and he turned with a surprised expression before glancing over his shoulder and then back to me. He blinked in a seemingly confused way before he finally settled for a smile.

"Ah, our other savior of the day! May I ask what you are still doing here? Your friends have departed some time ago. I had thought that you had ridden ahead of them, they did seem to have been in a rush, so I assumed they were trying to catch up to you."

"Silly friends, aren't they?" My grin practically cracked right off my face as I jabbed a thumb over my shoulder in irritation. "I was just rounding some of these ruffians up for you. Seems like my _friends_ and I had a bit of miscommunication seeing as I'm still here cleaning up their mess. If you could be so kind, would you point me in their direction and I'll be sure to have some lovely words with them?"

"Of course," the man smiled in sympathy before elaborating on what route he thinks they might be taking. He knew for sure they were heading to Ylisstol, the capital, but he couldn't be 100% I'd meet them until I reached my destination. Already I was in a bad mood, having missed meeting the quintessential members of the shepherds and they having missed out on my cool heroics, but it was partially rectified when the man spoke up again.

"Seeing as how your friends didn't accept any payments, we still have plenty of food to spare for our heroes. Please, allow us to pack you some comforts for your travels."

"Now that'd be mighty fine, sir." I could see Nelly perk up with me at the idea of food. No more meager strips of dried produce for us! The villager chuckled at our reaction before he called out to those hanging around to gather some rations and before long I had a rather weighty sack pitched on the back of Nelly's saddle. I had just tied on our waterskins before I surveyed the horizon and noted how it must have just past midday at this point.

"Welp, we should get going so we can find our merry band of Shepherds. It was swell meeting ya'll, but we need to get a move on." At that moment I remembered that my only rope was still around the bunch of bandits, causing me to lament before handing it over to the villager. "I suppose you can deal with them. Just know a good bit of rope was used for such lame business."

"Uh… Thank you."

"No need." I sulked before turning and boarding the Nelly express.

Waving my hasty parting to the folks, Nelly turned to trot in the direction that Chrom and Robin would have gone, but stopped when the village leader shouted after us.

"Wait! What is your name?!"

"Me?" The momentary petulance was gone as I laughed, feeling a bit of bubbly excitement escape my lungs before I clamped down on it. "I'm just a nobody cowboy that's just looking to live off the fat of the land."

The man blinked in confusion at my flowery statement, and although I was on a roll, I decided to take pity on him as I tipped my hat with a grin. The tales of adventures and friendship in Awakening playing in my head as Nelly reared back, ready to gallop away for real this time.

"But you can call me Tex!"

* * *

 **AN Note:**

So I guess I finally had time to write this story since I'm on break now. Looks like FF changed the way you can edit documents in copy-n-paste so hopefully the formatting is okay.

Thanks to everyone who left comments and followed the story. I honestly didn't think that many people would be too interested in the concept and the lackluster beginning of this story. Did you guys like the ending? I see that most fics have their person joining up with the Shepherds in Southtown, but I thought it'd be funny if he was left behind by accident since Tex is just kind of a dumb concept of someone who just really wanted to play cowboy in FEA and something like that would bruise is ego and narrative.

Heavenschoir: A weird concept isn't it? I didn't want to straight out go for real guns so I went the more magic fueled ones since it was more my speed. And your wishes have been granted, here's another chapter! Hooray!

Guest: I don't completely understand what you're trying to say but: NO SQUIGGIN 4 ME PLZ!

Hyakudori: Lol, hopefully it doesn't become a shit show, right? I kind of see Tex as a lame ass guy who kinda has a penchant for being dramatic and really hamming up the cowboy aesthetic (maybe like a Virion but acts more stupid). Thanks for commenting!

3GamesAsheMain: I have a decent idea where it's going, but honestly I'm writing this more by ear. And which part annoyed you, I'm not sure what you're referring to, but go ahead and leave recommendations! I'd love to see what others have to say and maybe I'll get interesting ideas off of them. Thanks for reading!

Ren4gade: Thanks for reading, friend. Hope I live up to the expectations!

Anyway, any ideas and input would be appreciated. Thanks for reading and hopefully I can update again, thanks!


End file.
